SORRY, (I AIN’T)
Friends, oh, FRIENDS! In my heart, I want to apologize for being on a hiatus from “blobbing,” but, if I did so, it would be contradictory to all the words that follow. So, I’m not going to apologize. But, I will tell you, “Jiller-Jiller-Jiller-Poo,” as my beloved, sister-friend turned heaven’s angel, Laura would call me, has been very, very, very busy. I mean, am I important or what? LOL (yes, I’m laughing out loud in a way that calls for ALL CAPS). But, enough about moi, on with the blob.
This last weekend, during a little Memorial Day Weekend downtime, I read a gritty, truthful article by writer/actress, Lena Dunham on how women are constantly apologizing. And, I thought, “Oh, my. She’s spot on. Why in the world do I apologize so much? Why in the world do we, as women, apologize so much? And, thank God I’m in good company, but what the heck are we so frequently sorry for?” Ladies, are you with me?
We’re sorry for brushing the sleeve of a stranger as we pass by. We’re sorry for talking too loud or not loud enough or just for talking at all. We’re sorry for not getting back to someone in a timely manner. We’re sorry for not calling to say “sorry” for that time we were sorry we couldn’t attend that event. I’m sorry y’all, but being “sorry” all the time is not only for the birds, but, now that I’ve picked up on this rampant female tic, I can say that it must be an annoyance for others, too. I mean, I’m somewhat irritated with the fact that we say we’re sorry when we’re really not sorry.
The term often used on social media, “Sorry Not Sorry” and Beyonce’s song “Sorry (I Ain’t) are odes to our own passivity. We say we’re sorry when we really aren’t sorry. And, we’re sick of it. Why? Because the majority of the time, we have nothing to be sorry about.
Being sincerely sorry and expressing it is a powerful thing. There are a handful of times in my life when someone issued a heartfelt, “I’m sorry.” It takes a great deal of self actualizing and humility to issue a real apology to someone we feel we’ve wronged or hurt. I can attest to this from my own experience. Most of us have been on both sides. It’s not fun. And, for that reason, we shouldn’t make a habit of saying “I’m sorry” when we’re not. It dilutes it, takes out it’s meaning and forces it to become some sort of phatic communication as opposed to what it was designed for- to honestly, humbly redeem oneself through a heartfelt apology.
Now, we know that just because an apology has been given that it doesn’t mean it’s been accepted. That’s where a really gracious God comes in. He knows our heart, and He gives us what we need to move forward without the shame and guilt that comes with being truly sorry and, sometimes, not having that apology accepted by its recipient.
Today, “Sorry, I Ain’t Sorry” is my new mantra. I’ll strive not to say I’m sorry all the time or for things that don’t require an apology. I’ll save up my “I’m sorry(s)” for the times when I’m actually remorseful for something I’ve done. And, let’s face it, because we’re human, we know we’ll need to use them. I challenge you to do the same.
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